Wednesday, September 2, 2009

And the search begins.......

For my first post i thought I'd tell you a little about my struggles........

First, i love food. I have always loved food and the older i get the more i love to try new things.

Second, i hate to exercise. Well maybe i don't hate it, but i am not a self motivator when it comes to exercising at least not lately.

Nearly 8 years ago, at the age of 21 and weighing 120 lbs., I moved to Atlanta. This was the beginning of the end.

Of what you ask? Fitness. Skinny Jeans. Self-confidence.

Yes, Atlanta has been a catalyst for some very bad living. I love to try new restaurants, and there are plenty here. I love to drink beer, and am a bit of a beer snob. My friends make fun of me and they know I'll be the first one to try a new beer. And then there's the damn heat. I have used the heat as a reason to do things indoors from late April to early October every year. Granted it is hotter than necessary here, but i let that excuse make me lazy.

Don't get me wrong, it didn't happen over night but it did happen. There is always the "I'll start my workout program again next week" or the "i don't eat this all the time so it's OK". The problem with this kind of thinking is that you convince yourself of something that's not true. You do this so that you don't feel guilty about your actions. Unfortunately you are setting yourself up for failure down the road. I know this first hand. I know how easy it is to sit on the coach instead of getting outside and moving. I know how easy it is to go through the McDonald's drive though instead of taking the time to make yourself some decent dinner. There in lies the problem, it's all EASY.

So for the last almost 8 years I've routinely taken the easier route. I ate out way too much and never thought about what i was putting in my mouth past whether or not it sounded good. I have on occasion drank too much and let myself live pretty unhealthy. What's worse is that i have exercised much less than should be allowed by law. I have watched myself balloon into someone who is 5'2", 207.5 lbs, with the body fat% of 39%. None of this is good.

Of course i know that only i can change this.

I've had the inspiring moments of wanting to do better.
I have watched the Biggest Loser like many others out there. I have been impressed and inspired, but also thinking "i could do that too if i had someone yelling at me and cooking me nothing but healthy food." Reality is that i don't, most of us don't.

I've read the magazine articles that are meant to encourage you, when all they really do is make you feel worse about your own fitness. I wish they would use overweight people, so that you'd think you'd have a fighting chance at making a difference in your own life. Instead they start with skinny people and show them how to stay skinny and tighten up their muscles. Isn't it funny how you never see a plus size person on the Bowflex commercials. What about all the Tae-bo videos, anyone fat in those?

Now, I'm not angry or bitter. I'm not bashing the skinny people. It's just extremely hard to make a change. It gets harder when you're searching for someone else to draw an example from, someone who started where you have to start from, and you can't find them.

All that being said, this is my point:

They are all excuses. If you want to live healthier, eat healthier, be healthier only you can make that change.

I decided i did.

I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of being out of shape. I'm tired of shying away from pictures because i can't bear to see what i look like in them.

My sister got married a month ago. Back in the fall i was having a conversation with my mother about the upcoming wedding and we were talking about me losing weight. She has always encouraged me to be healthy. She only wants me to be around for a long time and not have to deal with health issues later in life. Sometimes though i don't think she can relate. There has been a time or two when she has made a comment that makes me cringe just a little. So, we were talking about the wedding and she was encouraging me to lose a little weight and she says "I'm sure Brittany (sister) would like to have some nice pictures." Ouch. I know she wasn't trying to hurt my feelings, but she did.

Should that be the thing that changed the way i saw my life. Probably not. I should have come to it all on my own, but it's not the reality. Her comment actually made me see how sensitive I'd become to my weight. On the inside i was so unhappy with myself but on the outside i never did anything about it. I decided i was done with that.

So my search began about 3 months ago. I decided to get healthy, stay healthy and live my life better.

I am doing it the right way, not using fad diets but nutrition and exercise. I know that it will take some time but i will get there. I have lost 16.5 lbs. I drink more water now than i have my entire life, and i gave up one vice.....COKE.

I'll keep you posted.